I'm Selfish...So What?

1/4/2016

Growing up, it was such a negative thing to be labeled as selfish. If someone accused me of being selfish, I would normally revert to my twin and say I had a reason to want something for myself. I grew up sharing EVERYTHING and helping everyone around me. To be selfless was such a prominent skill to learn at a young age. Now that I am an adult, I yearn to find moments here and there for "me" time. I'm sure many of you can relate from being employees, mothers, wives, daughters or being in a relationship period. My struggle for the past few years has been finding balance between the give and take within my relationships. Relationships as in with my husband, siblings, mom and friends. Everyone wants a piece of your time. So how do you manage?

I find that scheduling mini dates with yourself are extremely important in managing this thing we call life. It's how we maintain our sanity and regroup. Think about the last time you went to the nail salon for a pedicure, went out for a walk or tried a new form of fitness for example like dance class. Did that time alone to clear your head help with refocusing later in the day? My guess is that it did. At least for me, stepping outside of my normal routine changes my entire day. Whether I am taking 20 minutes on my way home from work to get my brows waxed or stopping by a bar to have a drink with a friend, the mental break is well worth it! Please know that is okay to put yourself first every now and then and do that something that excites you. Your spouse or family will not be mad. They will be happy that you thought about yourself. The holidays are over and you have catered to everyone from home to work so now it is time to refocus on your number one priority, YOU.

Ladies, tell me some of the things you have decided to give up this year. Also, what are you looking to try new? It's a "New Me" January so I know we are expected to be in the gym preparing for summer, but if your plan is to try something different, I want to hear about it!

-Miss Belle Rouge

14 Comments

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Mytosha Dickerson

1/4/2016 01:53:26 pm

I started a book club and have decided to take up yoga/meditation. I've always loved spending time with myself, but sometimes we forget or try to put it on a schedule. That takes away from it being relaxing. I want to focus on being more aware and living in the now.

Belle Rouge link

1/4/2016 10:09:01 pm

Mytosha, you make a great point! "Focus on...living in the now!" It's something I have been working on as well. Keep me in the loop with your book club! I'd love catch up every now and then for some delightful discussion. Thanks for your reply.

Shelle

1/4/2016 02:42:05 pm

I have decided to reinvent myself, stop over thinking, and just live. One of my greatest fears is to be considered a "selfish" person so I go above and beyond to prevent it by putting others before myself. I'm not doing that anymore, I CAN'T do it anymore. You get to a point in life where you realize how much your kindness has been taken advantage of and it has to stop. I love people but I also love ME too.

1/4/2016 10:16:01 pm

Shelle!!! You hit the message right on the head. I can relate when it comes to having your kindness taken for granted. It all starts with you acknowledging how important and valuable your time is and that you are deserving of peace and happiness. Thanks for love for sharing!

Ladeekay

1/4/2016 07:05:24 pm

I've decided to give up trying to fix everything. It's exhausting!! I'm going to focus more on me and what makes me happy. I've always wanted to learn how to sew so this is one of my goals for this year. I'm also going to make my own upholstered headboard (I'm a carpenter in my head, lol). I just want to do a lot of the things I've wanted to but convinced myself that there was something more important that I could or should be doing instead.

1/4/2016 10:19:49 pm

Kendra, I think that's a great idea! I know you can be very crafty so this is right up your alley. Please share photos of your finished project with me! I'll stick to keeping you accountable in the meantime with a pleasant nudge. ;) Thanks again for sharing- have a prosperous year love!

Denise

1/4/2016 07:22:47 pm

Yes honey! I absolutely Have To have my ME time and also my "Girls" time. I'm a giver naturally and sometimes I'm so worn-out and can't figure out why until I get , nudges on my coat tail to respond to, help, give me or the can I's! I don't complain but I do make a mental note that My Day to self is coming. Lol.
This year, I'm also going to take up yoga classes, become certified in group fitness and maybe teach a sexy dance class here and there ;-)

1/4/2016 10:26:42 pm

Hi Denise! I love your plan for 2016! It all starts with setting a goal and I know you will be great with your fitness class and sexy dance class. I love seeing women pursue their dreams and this is a testament to the power of women empowerment. I am happy you stopped by to share some love and kind words on my post. Thanks for sharing!

Andrea

1/4/2016 09:36:48 pm

What a coincidence this is the topic of today's post! :) I love it. My New Year resolution is to cultivate boundaries...saying "no" to others so that I can say "yes" to Reg more often. Research shows that the most compassionate people are those who have nonnegotiable boundaries! The most selfless thing we could ever do is take care of ourselves first. I'm very fortunate that refocusing my time and energy on my relationship is a great form of self-care for me because all it takes to make my lover happy is for me to do all the things that make me happy (smile, dance, read, write, run, etc.). As for a new hoppy, I started art journaling for the new year so I can use my creativity more as I do self-reflection, and I'm in love with it. Pinterest has some great ideas! ;) Thanks for this post!

1/4/2016 10:53:38 pm

Hey Andrea! I'm so happy today's post resonated with you and that it touched home. I love how you're taking the necessary measures to find more meaningful time for your relationship. You raise a valid point that compassionate people have nonnegotiable boundaries and I'm glad you mentioned. I look forward hearing more about your art journaling in the future. I think that's a great new hobby for this grand year! Thanks for sharing your thoughts and I appreciate your continued support!

Janice

1/4/2016 11:04:28 pm

I really loved your post. As a mother, full time student and significant other it is hard trying to find things that I love to do outside of parenting. Towards the end of the year last year I lost my job and actually had to give up a heels class that I was taking and where we actually met. im the new year I plan to get back to dance and being sexy and confident in my own skin.

1/4/2016 11:13:44 pm

Hi Janice! It's so great to hear from you dear! Now is the time take back some personal time for yourself and I'm sure that with being a mother that can be very difficult. I challenge you along with the other women that have read my blog to take at least 30 mins or so to yourself. You deserve it! Also, getting back into dance class is always a great way to refocusing on yourself. Best of luck Jan and I wish you a prosperous year in 2016!

Samira

1/7/2016 11:32:56 am

Great Blog Post! I think its very important to set boundaries with others and say no! I actually have learned this within the last couple of years and I make it a point to fit in my schedule the things I love to do and do it well! Some Friday nights I pampering myself and my daughter with an at home facial and do our feet.

One of my goals this year is better time management, so I will try to leave a little earlier and then I will sometimes take a different route on my way home from work with the radio off. I also sit in my car a few extra minutes to just think before running from point A-B as to prevent burn out. These are just little things I do for myself to ask my self questions like " did I drink enough water today?" lol I have also found that getting up earlier in the mornings to pray and meditate instead of checking my social media and email accounts right away helps too!

Bahiya

1/11/2016 03:27:07 pm

Most of my life I've always put others needs in front of my own and slowly I've began to notice I don't me. Who am I and what do I want. Which lead me to see out ways to find out who I was. I attended a vision board in meeting in November 2015 & I felt so refreshed and energized to know that being "selfish" is healthy. And seeing what makes me happy daily is a reminder that I have to come first.

BR VIXEN BLOG